Fully Alive MarriageSample

Giving or Taking

As you seek to follow Jesus, you understand that your life is not solely for your pleasure. He calls you to generously give of who you are and what you have to benefit others. That might include volunteering at church, giving money to support your church or other charities, or offering your time and energy to help others.

Many Christians don’t fully apply this to marriage. You said, “I do,” expecting your spouse to meet your needs and make you happy. Consciously or unconsciously, you see marriage as a contract that says, “I’ll stay as long as you make me feel good. I don’t love you; I love how you make me feel.”

Marriage is not a contract; it’s a covenant, and in a covenant, you are making a promise of what you will do because of who you are, not based on what your spouse does. It’s a statement of what you will give, not what you demand in return.

Covenant is how God relates to us. He loves us not because we’re lovable but because that’s who He is. He can’t not love. He interacts with us based on His character, not our behavior.

Let’s acknowledge that evil has invaded God’s design for marriage, and some marriages become toxic. God has made provision and, at times, releases someone from an ongoingly destructive marriage.

Remember, marriage is not to make you happy. Marriage is God’s laboratory for you to learn to love well. Loving is more about what you can give, not what you can get.

Prayerfully consider this: Who is God calling you to be to your spouse this season?

God never calls you to belittle, manipulate, criticize, demean, or harm your spouse emotionally, sexually, or spiritually. Demanding your own “rights” is always wrong.

Who is He calling you to be? That might require taking your grubby hands off your spouse so God can do His work in their heart. Sometimes it means having difficult conversations and staying engaged when you’d rather walk away. It might mean confronting bad behavior or setting difficult boundaries while keeping your heart open. It always means fighting for your marriage on your knees.

Who is God calling you to be to your spouse in this season?