Loneliness & the Single Mom: By Jennifer MaggioSample

Be intentional about getting involved with others.

Through the years, I’ve heard my children say many times how lonely they are. I have two children who are outgoing and one who is painfully shy and quiet. And all three have struggled with loneliness at one time or another. Loneliness isn’t exclusive to a personality type. Life seasons ebb and flow. Sometimes, we’ll find it easier to make friends in one season versus another, for many different reasons. But God is likely not going to drop new friends on your front doorstep!

Step 4 to overcoming loneliness as a single mom: Be proactive!

We must be intentional in getting out of our comfort zones and making friends, even when we don’t feel like it or it makes us a little nervous. There are times when a natural conversation arises and making new friends seems easy. There are other times, when it is much easier to stay home in your pajamas. If you are feeling lonely, be proactive in scheduling social events and inviting friends. Host a fish fry or barbecue or game night or karaoke contest or volunteer project. Be intentional with making new friends. Rather than focusing on what you weren’t invited to or who didn’t include you, be proactive in nurturing strong relationships with family, church members, coworkers, and both new and old friends. You be the one at church, social events, or work gatherings who seeks out the lonely, dismissed, or ostracized. You initiate conversation and foster the gift of hospitality in your own life. Perhaps the Lord has given you the experience of feeling left out, so that you can use it as a ministry opportunity for others, knowing full-well how hard that experience has been for you to endure.

As Proverbs 27:17 emphasizes, friends sharpen us in so many ways–spiritually, mentally, socially. They enhance our life experience. The Lord created us to be in community. He wants us to fine-tune each other through conversation and prayer and mentorship. But these types of friendships do not simply happen. They must be fostered, nurtured, and intentional. Sometimes, it is easier for us to go home and put on a movie for the weekend than to push ourselves into the community to actively engage with others. However, when we do, we always reap the rewards.

During times of loneliness, even when you feel unseen or under-valued, be intentional in staying connected to a local church. I am a huge proponent of this. If single parents can stay connected in a local church, they are better equipped to battle loneliness. Support groups and Sunday School classes help us to get perspective. It helps us to hear others’ problems or to hear wisdom from someone who has been where we are. Satan’s plan is one of a divide-and-conquer strategy. If he can isolate us from church and loving, godly friends, we begin to see the glass as half-empty. No one will ever love me. I will always be alone. How could the church treat me that way? I don’t need God, anyway. On and on, the negative thoughts will go if we aren’t careful. If Satan can steal our joy, kill our hope, and destroy our plans for the future, he’s won. We are no longer a threat to him. We are no longer focused on what we can do in the Kingdom of God, but rather what we can’t do.

Points to Ponder:

• Have you spent time this month with people in a social setting outside of work or family time? Is there a volunteer opportunity at your church that could serve others and forge friendships?