Loneliness & the Single Mom: By Jennifer MaggioSample

My dad who was a hard-working farmer from rural Mississippi did, indeed, walk the proverbial miles to school each day, barefooted, and in overalls. Like his family before him, he made a living as a farmer and fisherman for most of my life. While there was always plenty of food on the table and clothes on our back, there wasn’t much extra. We lived in a trailer in my childhood and rationed milk and eggs to ensure they lasted us between pay days. Things were lean, and we were poor.

When I was about nine, we moved to a new town and joined a new church. It was the largest church in town and many of the “cool” kids from the local private school went there. (I was a public-school kid.) As we moved through elementary and into middle and high school, I felt more and more like I just didn’t fit in. While the youth group planned their annual trip to the ski retreat each winter, I was stapling the sole of my shoe back on to ensure it lasted to the end of the school year. All the girls seemed smarter, prettier, thinner, and richer, and I often felt very left out.

Many of you probably have countless stories of feeling left out, too. Perhaps you are having a flashback to the dreaded daily cafeteria encounter in sixth grade, when your eyes quickly scanned the room for a set of friendly eyes, in desperate hopes of finding a seat. Maybe you were chosen last at P.E. for the kickball game. Prom. College parties. Church pews. Friend gatherings. All of us have felt left out at one time or another. As a single mom, loneliness can creep into our lives in an exacerbated way, as the demands of busy schedules, multiple hats, exhaustion, and burdens of parenting alone can weigh us down. When feeling left out and alone, I’ve had to learn to evaluate my loneliness to assess what is true.

Step 1 to overcoming loneliness as a single mom: Focus on what is true!

Have you noticed that there are seasons of life when you can have few friends and not feel lonely at all? Or there are moments in time when you can be surrounded by a room full of people and feel completely alone? I’m convinced that this has much more to do with our perception of a situation versus the reality of it. I don’t know about you, but my natural response tends to be worst-case-scenario. I have had to consciously train my thought-life to be in alignment with God’s word despite how I may be feeling in a moment. If not, it won’t take me long to be down a rabbit hole of lies, e.g. They didn’t really like me anyway. I never fit in. No one is ever going to ask me. I don’t have anything of value to offer. They did this on purpose.

Philippians 4:8 says, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” This reminds us that we must think on what is actually true about a situation. When our minds run to the lies, we counteract them not with how we feel, but with what God says. His word says we are “loved, called, chosen, redeemed, healed, beloved, hope-filled, and complete” just to name a few! What’s also important to remember is that very often when we are left out of an event, invitation, etc., the ones who didn’t include us did not mean to hurt us. Perhaps they had a limit on seating for their event, limited budget, or have been busy with life’s demands. Maybe you just didn’t cross their minds for this outing, but will be included in the next. Fix your thoughts on what is true.

Points to Ponder:

• God’s word says, “he puts the lonely in families.” What does that mean to you?