[#Life] MarriageSample

Encourage Each Other

When we encourage someone, we are giving them support, confidence and hope. Constant lack of encouragement leads to people feeling discouraged and defeated. Add to that equation the constant complaints and critiques that come with unhealthy marriages, and you have a recipe for disaster. 

Have you ever tried to encourage your spouse instead of complaining about them?  When you feel like you have to tell them what they are doing wrong or what they need to change, stop, take a deep breath, and say something good and encouraging to them. Say something that will break a predictable pattern of behavior from you. 

It might be difficult at first. And if it is, pray about it and ask God to help you. 

Practice it. The more you practice something, the better you become at it. 

Be intentional. Try to start with a three to one ratio on compliments and encouraging words, versus critiques or complaints. Then grow it to a five to one ratio. You will see that, with time, it will become easier for you to compliment your spouse rather than to complain about them and it will do wonders for your marriage. 

Start small. Say things like: “Honey, you look beautiful today,” or “Darling, I love the way you smell when you come out of the shower,” or “Thank you for helping me with the dishes last night even though I know you were tired.” 

Do not follow any of those nice words with a complaint. Your spouse may not do the dishes the way you like them, but for once be thankful that they helped you with them. Whatever compliment you give your spouse, mean it and do not just say it to say it.

Even when you do not feel like saying something nice, convince yourself, and say it from your heart.

There is not one person who goes to a marriage counselor and says they are tired of hearing their spouses complimenting them, encouraging them, or saying good things about them. It does not happen because words of encouragement build us up, they bring us joy and happiness and they fill our hearts with happy feelings. 

I love the old country and western song by Alabama, called “Close Enough to Perfect.” 

It says: “Sometimes her morning coffee's way too strong,

And sometimes what she says she says all wrong,

But right or wrong, she's there beside me

Like only a friend would be

And that's close enough to perfect for me.”

Can you imagine how different life would be if we were to apply that little sentence to things in life? “It is close enough to perfect.” 

It would probably do a lot in our parenting with our kids, do a lot in our business with our employees or employer, and do a lot in our marriages. 

It is close enough to perfect that we would speak compliments and words of encouragement instead of complaints.

Thought of the Day

Every time you feel the need to complain about something to your spouse, forgive their mistakes and try to speak compliments instead. It will change your marriage. It will change your life.