Fighting Shadows by Jefferson Bethke and Jon TysonSample

Invest in Relationships

The research on friendship, relationships, and loneliness struck me deeply. I (Jefferson) took it very seriously, not just because of my own loneliness, but also because of what I see in the men around me.

So I started a quarterly friend “hang” that has now gone on for years, and I can honestly say it fills my tank like nothing else. For one thing, it’s fun. There’s a new recipe or activity for every meetup. (Hey, the apostle Paul exhorted us to “gather to eat” and “eat together” in 1 Corinthians 11:33.) But more importantly, it does something for my soul. I feel seen—not alone—like I’m in a tribe of brothers. And a deep trust has transpired over time within this group. Some of the things we share and help each other through are incredibly personal or difficult. Relationship struggles, health scares, crises of faith, business failures—you name it, we’ve talked about it.

Along the way I’ve learned two principles I try to let guide these times and my friendships: create the hang in your own image, and ask great questions that spur conversation.

A firepit is one way to get it going, but you can tailor the hang around your interests and the stuff your friends like to do. As for questions, here are a few examples: What’s been the hardest thing about this year for you? And how do you feel like it’s shaping you and forming you? What’s something serious you’re more passionate about than you were five years ago and something you’re less passionate about? What is your biggest regret? Your best moment ever?

The key is to start. So men, shoot out a text. Invite some guys you know and some you’d like to know better. Fire up the fire. Create a tribe of brothers—right now. Despite the looming shadow of loneliness and all the verifiable negative impacts it has on your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health, there’s a simple solution: invest in relationships.

The greatest threat to your well-being may very well be that you will skim across the surface of your life and miss the ordinary wonder and magic happening in the most important and sacred relationships God has given you. Don’t let it happen.

Father, I trust that you will breathe life into me and my brothers as we gather to share life. Thank you! Amen.