Battle CrySample

Being transparent—speaking openly and honestly about our emotions—is counterintuitive for most men. As children, we would openly express any emotion—until we learned it wasn’t safe to be transparent or authentic. This happens in every boy’s life, regardless of the home or neighborhood you grew up in. You may have had the most wonderful parents in the world, or you may have grown up in a single-parent home or had an abusive parent. Regardless of your home life, neighborhood, or school, you learned to survive by keeping your feelings to yourself. This happened to all of us.

You see, children are keen observers but poor interpreters. Whether you remember it or not, as a boy you would see or hear certain things, then you would attempt to understand what they meant. Like what it meant when a coach berated his player. Or when a father hugged his son after he struck out at bat. Interpretation is a normal part of the human survival instinct. The human brain is designed to keep you alive, and it does so in part by interpreting events and then making up “rules” to follow. Rules such as, “Don’t touch a hot stove,” “Don’t cry in front of anyone,” or “Girls aren’t to be trusted.” These rules are meant to shield you from physical harm, emotional pain, and social rejection. In instances of potential physical harm, or the threat of lethal violence, that’s a good thing, but it’s not so useful in relationships. 

Interestingly, the exclusively male conviction of “man up” in the form of a command has been proven useless in motivating men. This phrase subtly implies that a man is already at a deficit, and the last thing a discouraged man needs is another challenge. Please don’t get me wrong; I think it’s good that we encourage one another to rise up when we are emotionally low. But since so many of us have been conditioned to suppress our struggles, this attempt to man up and push through what we’re going through only causes more mental anguish. So, instead of manning up, we need to open up.

Prayer:

Father, I’ve relied too much on my own power to get through this world—I am so tired of faking it. I am hurting and need to be heard so that I can start the healing process. Gracefully teach me how to guard my heart without hiding it. Please forgive me for not trusting You, and the people you’ve placed in my life to help me along this journey. Please guide me through my fears of expressing weakness, so that I can one day be truly strong. In the name of Yahushua (Jesus) I pray, amen.