Communication can build or destroy 🏗

Communication can either build a relationship or destroy it. Healthy communication is difficult and treacherous, even for the most committed friends or couples, because it can break down. 

Proverbs 18:21 warns us about the power of our tongue: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.” (Proverbs 18:21, NKJV) Our words can give death or life to a relationship. Our words can build up or tear down a friendship or marriage. 

Have you ever built others up with your words? Have you ever torn them down? I have. I’ve said stupid things in anger; have you? I’ve said stupid things because of fear; have you? Should I go on? The Bible says to “confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed…” (James 5:16, NIV)

My amazing friend Adam Barta wrote a song a few years ago that will rock your world. It’s called “Speak Life”. The chorus goes like this: 

“Speak life into your separation, trials and tribulations,

Open up your mouth, and let the Healer take over,

When you’re feeling unstable, Jesus is able,

So open up your mouth, and let the Healer take over.”

If we are totally honest and transparent, we’ve all said dumb things, insensitive things, things that have hurt people and grieved the Spirit.

James the elder once said, “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness.” (James 3:9, NIV) 

As a counselor, I’ve learned a few sentences that help me communicate better in tough times: 

• “Help me understand...”


• “In other words, I hear you saying that...”


• And perhaps the most important, “Please forgive me; I didn’t mean to hurt you.” 

The Bible says a gentle answer turns away wrath. Thank God!

I’m praying God will help you by His Spirit to speak words of life, like:

• “I love you”


• “I appreciate you” 


• “I think you are incredible”


• Also good are: “I’m so sorry” and “How can I help?”

Communication can be difficult, but it all starts with one simple ingredient: a heart that’s clean and filled with love.

You’ll succeed because you’re a miracle.

Paul Marc Goulet