The Journey to ConfidenceSample

Deeply ingrained negative and unbalanced core beliefs such as, “I am unlikeable, I am worthless, I am dumb” etc can be very painful when triggered so our mind then generates rules and expectations to live by in order to protect ourselves and avoid emotional discomfort. These mental rules usually take the form of “musts and should’s” such as “I must be perfect, I must always please/gain the approval of others, I should always work hard” etc. Keeping up with these unhelpful rules can be exhausting and lead to a lot of stress. Additionally, these negative self-evaluations cause us to be sensitive to paying more attention to the things in our environment that reinforce our unhelpful beliefs and they continue to play out through every area of our lives until we address and correct them.  

So how can we practically improve our self-esteem in a healthy way and learn to accept ourselves? It’s all about adopting a more balanced approach to the way we see ourselves and our worth. Firstly, we need to identify and adjust the negative beliefs we hold towards ourselves, and then secondly, we must learn to acknowledge our positive qualities and build up the more balanced, helpful beliefs such as “I am worthy, valuable, loveable” etc. However, this cannot be done without applying self-compassion. This concept encourages us to extend the same care, concern, and kindness to our own failures and flaws that we would to a friend or someone hurting. For example, we wouldn’t advise a friend to avoid going out in public because they weren’t attractive enough. When we think and act in compassionate ways towards ourselves, it's easier to accept our weaknesses and normalcies when we make mistakes as well as taking the pressure off living up to unrealistic standards.