A Friend In MeSample

“Qualities of Safe Havens”

Committed to the Relationship:

I’ve experienced a wide variety of relationships with women through work, church, ministry, neighborhoods, and friendships over the years. Not one of those relationships was without its problems. One or two women left the relationship out of offense. Others insisted on being the center of attention. Close relationships can come and go; the strong ones will stay, and we gladly benefit from them. Even when a relationship has problems, it can be one in which “iron sharpens iron”. Properly navigated, close relationships can give a woman such a strong sense of belonging, and the love and support she receives will far outweigh the bad.

Able to Invite Others to Be Vulnerable:

When we invite younger women to share their deeper feelings with us, they feel our love for them. When my friend Olivia slipped in next to me in church one Sunday, I could tell immediately she was trying to hide that something was bothering her. I knew I could just let her be or I could invite her to tell me what was going on in her heart. I leaned over and asked if she was okay. She held herself back and smiled, saying she would be all right. I’ve known Olivia for several years and I knew she didn’t want to burden me. She had fallen into self-reliance, so I persisted, “I can tell something’s wrong.” Then I told her how much I loved her, I’m just enough ahead of her in life to feel confident around my or others’ chaotic feelings. And I’ve experienced God’s peace in those places when someone else spoke a word of truth to me. So I “got up from the table and knelt” before her. Then I said, “If you can’t tell me the truth, we can’t be close friends.” With that, her tears started, and after church she opened up to me. I cried with her so she could say what she needed to say.

It’s important that we send a message to the younger women in our lives that says, “I love you, but you need to be real with me.” In this way, we create an environment where women are free to open up emotionally.

*Do the younger women in your life know you are committed to them? Do you invite them to be vulnerable with you?